More glorious deaths...

"1. An astonishing and inexplicable accident shortly after the climax of a race in which men ride on the backs of naked, middle-aged women around an English country garden (I'd come fourth riding Sharon Stone).

2. Becoming the first man to land on the Sun.

3. Trying to prove to a class of five year-olds that snakes love being poked.

4. Surrounded by tearful underwear models who, in their grief, "lezz-up" to my astonished and delighted but-really-quite-doomed face..."

"Well. I think it only fitting to be tied to a wheel. A big one. By six strapping masked men - if I'm going to die they might as well be fit. Then the wheel would be set on fire and rolled down a mountain into a ravine, crashing through fir trees and raccoons (?) blazing as I go before I crash on to the rocks and drown, unconcious, in the white water rapids.

How I would have got myself in such a predicament I don't know."